Konica Minolta Planetaria Tokyo , a cosmic disaster

It’s always sad when a creative piece you know many people put a lot of time and effort into creating becomes substandard or incomprehensible but sadly this is the fate of the Planetaria Tokyo show in Ginza .

I watched the 3:50 show in DOME one. Ticket price 2500 yen! Saying “it’s awful” does not describe the feeling you get leaving the planetarium wishing you had your life back.

Located on the 9th floor of a grand events hall, your first impressions are quite promising, topical cafe, aesthetic waiting room, and a heavily themed gift shop, you’re hopeful. You discover that the time in the dome is experienced in a show segment structure with actors. You’re slightly uncomfortable now. “I just wanted to see some fucking sparkly stars,” you think to yourself, justifiably. If I wanted to watch some twat’s solo analingus, I would have gone to a theatre.
Incidentally, if that is what you want to see this is what you’re going to get, but I digress. When you enter the dome you are already getting a hunch of what you’re in for. Gone are the pseudo-futuristic space pod chairs, hello budget camping deck chairs. Gone are the galaxy cushions, hello DAISO bean bags. SCAM my brain screams, stay for the gold ship thing from the ads my heart screams.

The Story

The lights go down, and we are treated to 3 whole minutes of fucking sponsor ads, not even like little tv spot like ads, just lists of sponsors. Very Japanese. After that, some twat in a t-shirt comes out and starts talking some crap about dreams. This guy was evidently a drama student on his first gig, talking in this painfully pretentious whimsical way. I bet he touches his face in the shower and delivers dramatic lines from female characters in soap operas. And then delivers this banger:

Do you guys have dreams? I have dreams- one of my dreams is to connect with many people all at once, you. You all today are helping me make my dream come true.

Twat in a T-Shirt

It’s about this time I was in for. The dome has now blurred a panoramic of the dull crossroad outside, we were then slid up into jagged jpeg galaxy space. The quality was purely windows XP quality, free assets from an old site or something is was appalling.

The atrocious story is split into the 4 seasons with breaks in which the twat in a t-shirt in sat on a park bench in cartoon town and talks a bunch of philosophical ass about the stars. He has this disembodied female voice that he dates in spring and breaks up with in winter because he, and I quote:

I can’t stop following my dream, I’m sorry.

Twat in a t-shirt

Needless to say, there is no dramatic tension as they only started dating 5 minutes beforehand and that was a result of his low key bragging about the stars- what a charmer.

There are two major cringe moments, one where he starts dancing and tries to get the audience involved, the audience is silent and still, it was heaven. The next was when he sang at the end with a few dud notes, it was just horrible for everyone.

Finally, the ship comes, like the rest of the animation in this shamble is a jagged, dated and stiff still image of a cartoon boat they animated on flash or something, you can literally see the motion mapping they did on the image it’s so janky and robotic. Course’ twat in a shirt in stood there with his mouth open in awe.

The Cafe/Lobby/Shop

This is the only redeeming feature of the space and it is pretty mediocre, the themed confectionaries are rather cute with various LED light tricks and colouration. The shop is extremely overpriced with bookmarks reaching over 3000 yen in some cases- Ol’ space ice cream. They try to make the experience like a movie event to no clear success in any aspect.

Overall, this is a galactic shamble, complete with a money black hole, give it a wide birth and do something else worth your while!

2/10 I want my fucking money back.


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